Swimming in deserts

And it’s not until the last group of chills rush through your spine
And the salty memories drop down your lips

That the fog is shivered off your mind

The ability to breathe at your fingertips

It’s not easy being clouded

Being unaware

Doubted 

It’s like you’re about to reach for it

But then can’t even talk about it 

They say the key is to be aware

They forget the warning that said to beware

Be where? 

Elsewhere is where I want to be

All this foreign nuisance is suffocating me

From time to time it’s like I forget to breathe

Making my surroundings the ultimate enemy

And I tell myself it’s not the way to be

Me myself and I this shits getting kinda lonely

And it’s when the lights out 

That it begins to hit

Saying everything’s fine only works every little bit 

Sometimes it’s even hard for us to figure out our mind 

Someone who’s really got their shit together is getting hard to find 

After all it’s all about when you’re on your own

The things you do when you’re on your grind or just out getting stoned 

It’s easy to get off track and overthink our misfortunes 

When it’s as if you’re sweating in desserts not swimming in oceans

But the musics always playing and the same beats on repeat

And at times its a repetition and you’re tempted to cheat

But just keep your goal set and be prepared to defeat

Because in the end in this life all you need is your mindset and two feet 

Intimacy

Intimacy

Both our greatest pleasure

yet biggest weakness

As humans we are inclined

to be vulnerable to the warm intimate presence

Susceptible merely to those compelling enough

To vault into our deepest precincts

and cloak in our obscurity

Its engrossing as much as it is mysterious

A combination of both, really

The moment we allow ourselves to be absorbed into this spellbinding intrigue

We have made a compromise between ourselves

Our thoughts

Our emotions

Our beliefs

and placed it in the hands of another soul

Trusting enough

To leave our very rectitude hanging from a silver string off the edge

One that simply cannot be defined

As even the most noble humans, have told a white lie

and even the most distrusting hearts have been let down

But we need this silver string

because as its holding on to our humanity on one end

We’re connected to the other

Its reflection of two silhouettes harmonizing into one

reminds us of the beauty

in human connection

and the beautiful ability we possess

to trust

We need this trust

This connection

Its our life balance

Its what makes us human

Inches closer

         

I was inches closer to forgetting how much I missed you.

Well, letting go of the thought of missing you, at the very least.

Its been days since your last fingerprints faded off my skin.

Yet, your footsteps keep leaving a mark

as the story of our last goodbye is retold in my mind,

over and over.

I’ve always been a fein,

always craved your touch.

I thought,

that maybe i could built up a tolerance,

and get used to the distance the further it got.

But your presence subdues any high.

And being my deepest inhale, I cant bear to simply exhale you out.

And i’ve tried,

But it doesn’t work when you keep leaving me astray of your presence,

and commend me to continue craving more at every break of dawn.

Besides, your kisses only last so long,

when they’re far gone every morning.

I was inches closer to to blurring the constant notice of your absence,

Inches closer to being detached from your withdrawal

and inches closer to numbing the thought of missing you.

Except,

I’m thousands of miles away and consequently, inches subside into centimeters

And to be honest, in the end,

being centimeters closer to letting go

might even be to soon

and my bodies not ready

to stop missing you.

September 3rd 2015

New month, old ending and new beginning. Well, thats my perspective on the subject.

Due to my spring-term acceptance, I have an extra 5 months of doing nothing, in other words vacation. Doing nothing is not my thing, well, sometimes.

In August my friends began college, others still in high school and me, well…. nothing.

I decided I was going to enjoy some of my time off and switch up my setting. I decided to book a flight to Brazil for a month. Nothing planned. Just a whole month away from Miami because I need some time off and why not?

My goals are to meet new people, explore new places, try new things, and return to Miami with a months worth full of memories and experiences.

I have limited resources here when it comes to all that i mentioned above.

My concrete plan is to be spending time with my family.

The timing of my vacation wasn’t exactly the most convenient due to the fact that my family here in Brazil is going through a rough patch with my grandma recovering from surgery and all, and the fact that classes are still in session.

Ultimately,

my spontaneous urge to leave Miami for a month has brought me to this present situation.

32 days in a country away from home

No plans

Just hope

The conditions aren’t as high on the scale as I’d like them to be, but i’m positive I will get there.

Lets see where this month takes me.

Throwback Thursday

As usual, it’s not a Thursday if it’s not followed by a throwback. A throwback far from the monotony of a basic selfie or blurry picture at a house party, of course. But an enthralling throwback, the kind that you relive as you’re swallowed into the array of emotions driven by your voice as you re-tell it. The analeptic kind. This #tbt is going to go back to one of the most memorable, and magnificently insane, weeks of my life, aka Miami Music Week. Aside from the abundance of DJ’s I met, intoxicated Uber rides I took, and the abundance of live videos on my camera roll, the epitome of the story could not be overridden by anything but the experience itself. This #tbt took place on the night of March 24th, 2015.

Olalla, my friend from Madrid, and I were at home picking out our outfits and getting ready for her first night out in Miami. It started out in Sunset Music Festival 2013, when i was convinced I was madly in love with one of the brother DJ’s from DVBBS, Alex Andre. We all know what it’s like having a crush on a performer we’re never going to actually date. Where the stage is our closes encounter, and we can’t seem to do anything about it but obsess over his beauty and replay his best tracks (if you’re a guy, re-read this replacing he with she. Admit it, it’s true). Pause, my apologies. It’s tempting, gazing off as I guide you through the wonders of memory lane.
Anyways, life never fails to fascinate me by the interesting ways it works. Moments like these remind me of the wonders of reason, the laws of attraction, and the connectivity of everything on this Earth.
The night begun as we picked out our outfits and jammed out to some sets on soundcloud. We popped open a beer each and had a toast to a great night. Olalla texted her friend Danny Avila, a famous local DJ in Madrid.

“11:00 pm outside the DJ entrance at story”, he replied.

Olalla and I searched up the line up for that night and find out DVBBS was going to be performing, not the slightest clue of what was actually coming for us, we screamed out in excitement and hurried out my front door.

After being introduced to some of Danny’s friends, we made our way through Story’s famous green room, passing hundreds of amazing DJs signatures, climbing up the steep stairs, and finally making our way up the DJ booth.

“I’m meeting Alex DVBBS no matter what tonight,” I tweeted before my wish actually came true.

The first act was sander van doorn, I’ve been a fan since my first year attending ultra, and I had the pleasure of meeting him first that night.

It was a Tuesday night and the club was a little bit empty. People started heading out to LIV including Danny Avila and my promoter Sal. Olalla and I hadn’t had one drink all night and we were left alone us two.

The next act went on, laid back luke. One of the craziest backstage performances ive seen by far, and he was a very nice person himself.

His performance was amazing and we met a journalist meanwhile. She had pink hair and had just gotten back from Thailand, she was pretty rad.

Time went by and we were starting to get a little bored as we waited for DVBBS to preform.

Things started to get a little crazy when Wacka Flacka walked in… Literally. I saw him chug half a bottle of vodka in a matter of seconds. Not to mention the fact he was so drunk his pants went down as he stood up on the DJ booth and I saw half of his bare ass.

His performance was random. Olalla and I stayed sitting because our feet were killing us and we were beginning to get in a bad mood from all the waiting.

Finally, the securities begin to flash there flashlights for a new act that had just arrived and was making there way up the stairs. There they were.

I make my way through the DJ booth and introduce myself to Alex. I mentioned how I am a friend of Arya’s, a mutual friend of ours, but that’s a whole different story. He immediately began conversation and was telling me about how they went way back and used to live together in Beverly Hills. We finished talking and I went back to where I came from. A few minutes passed and I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around and found Andres Fresko, a local miami DJ and one of Alex’s friends. They invited me to follow them down the back and join them in the green room. No fucking way. Me and Ollala were in shock.

When we got to the green room, we talked and passed around a blunt with a few of his friends.

“DVBBS your on make your way up to the stage” the microphone echoed

We all ran up following them to the booth

They had so much energy jumping around and shaking their heads all over the place. They played some of my favorite songs, some of which I had seen them preform at Sunset Music Festival.

They called up some Argentinian girls to the stage, and Olalla and I became pretty good friends with them.

We watched them preform for an hour and it was already 4 am.

Since they were the closing act, when they finished, story was closing.

Olalla and I were about to say bye and call an Uber until..

“Where do u girls think you’re going, you’re coming with us”, Chris and Alex said as an escalade SUV pulled up.

We hit a blunt really fast with Alex and then somehow managed to fit 10 people in the SUV.

The Argentinians in the trunk, the journalist with the pink hair next to Olalla and Alex, and I was sitting on Chris’s lap.

That was definitely one of my favorite and most memorable car rides until this day.

We were all jamming out, I remember singing along “running through the 6 with my woes!!”. We finally pulled up to Elleven and we were all able to get in. They walked us straight in and took us to their table.

  
We ended up running into Danny Avila in there. Nervo and Benny Bennassi were playing that night. Money was being thrown in the air and strippers were walking around.

We partied, talked, and drank until we couldn’t drink anymore. We all had an amazing time except when one of DVBBS’s friends asked the security to take the pink-haired journalist out of their table, douschebag. And the part where I might have been a little intoxicated and my hand slipped and the bottle shattered all over the floor. Besides that, it was an insanely amazing night. Definitely one for the books, literally.

Monday blues

Its been a while that i’ve written something.

Let me rephrase that,

Something meaningful,

aside from my frequent array of short excerpts and silly blogs.

Lately, it seems as if i’ve been hiding in all the wrong places

Engaging in the wrong activities.

I’ve recently found myself pondering on the idea

Of change

Not the good type of change, if there is such

But the type where you cant simply click an undo button

or rewind back to where you came from.

A loss of touch with my identity perhaps,

Where its come down to the ultimate question of who am I becoming

To where i want to go.

Its been a while since i’ve last felt this way

It could be the excessive quantity of alcohol

I’ve ingested the past couple of days,

Or the loss of brain cells due to the

amount of times I’ve been out past 3 am getting high.

I’ve been running,

But which direction?

It depends on who you’d ask.

My mother and father would simply answer south

My dealers, north

Way up high

My friends, North West, maybe East South

Whichever way our drunk minds will allow us to.

Sorry, didn’t mean to drive your brain in circles solving riddles.

The point is, someone knows

And soon, I will to

Wether i find the answer in the bottom of my next spirit over the rocks

Or inbetween the ashes of my rolled up spliff.

If I’m lucky, hopefully in my dreams

when i finally get some sleep.

Short love story

His physique was her perfect picture

His body, her canvas 

His mind arose something inside her

Something that most men couldn’t stir with fancy dinners or expensive cars 

The way his smile glistened in the cloud of smoke 

And his eyes beamed when he spoke of his writing

Enchanted her

She believed he was a million deep breaths

Yet to him, she was a silent sigh

Lost

The fisherman who searched to be lostlived adrift in the greatest massiveness of Earth’s offers

He replaced his every worry with the flick of a pole,

Allowing the empty sea to feed off his sorrows

In the dark dismal emptiness

Completely unaware of the reality

of the eternal deepness

underlying his very own inconsequential presence

But he wasn’t alone

The company of an occasional whistle of a boat,

and the lighthouse blaze

Were his solemn reminders

of the beauty in the often unacknowledged

The ocean breathed his perpetual sublime

And the bracing wind craving his deliberation

At the verge of its every touch

Revived the fishermen’s most vivacious sensations

Reminding him of what it meant to feel alive

The salty aroma, his drug

And the invigorating breeze, his savior

The lone fisherman searched to be lost

And in that,

He was lost

And found himself

In his own presence

To my senior class, tomorrow is the day

12:35am and your excitement doesn’t allow you to fall sleepAs you lay out your fresh new uniform for your first day of high school 

Eager for the moments to come

Its mid December and you’ve become best friends with a group of new beautiful people

And have a crush on that beautiful boy in your English class 

You thought it’d be cool to take a few shots out of that Smirnoff bottle

Until you’ve learned what a hangover is

And said once or twice that you’re never drinking again

Summer before sophomore year and you’ve already made wonderful memories, some you will remember for the rest of your life

Others, you won’t even recall the names of some faces that were there

You may have failed a few tests 

And teared over a few boys,

Had your back stabbed by a few bitches 

And regretted all those lies you told your mom

When you were really out at that party getting wasted 

So months elapse, and you pass the awkward stage

And your an upper class men now 

You walk past the people you were friends with two years ago, as if you never even knew their name

Your struggling to maintain an acceptable GPA, and stressing at the sound of the word “college” or “future”

Finally

Your waking up for your last first day of high school ever

Embracing that bittersweet feeling of knowing it’s all about to end

Very few friends have sticked by your side from the moment you began high school

And many others slowly filling a place in your life

Senior lunch

Grad bash

Before you know it it’s the morning after prom night and your watching the videos of the prior night laughing at the moments you don’t remember 

And the hookup you never expected

People in school are talking about who won prom queen 

Or who wore it best

And as quickly as all the weeks flew by, and the months, and the years, 

Ultimately, 

Here you are

Sitting 4 years away from the beginning of what would be the biggest life changing experience of your life.

What now is, the epitome of everything you’ve become until this day

You’ve walked through 4 long years 

4 long years of betrayals and heartbreaks 

Accomplishments and failures

And as many times you complained about your hatred towards high school

Days from now, maybe weeks, maybe even years, as long as it takes, you will soon realize all the good that has come from those past 4 years of sacrifice and hard-work

The lessons you learned after trusting the wrong people, 

Loving the wrong faces 

Believing the wrong things

Have led you to the very place you are in now

The final destination of an old journey, 

and a beautiful starting point to the rest of your life 

Darkened Denial

It’s easy to talk about once it already happened

After the hangovers,

The heartbreaks,

The last hit of your blunt

But while it’s happening,

We’re in denial

And fool ourselves to believe nothing’s wrong

Maybe we don’t notice,

Or maybe we’re too scared to admit the truth

So we hide it 

Behind a cloud of smoke

Or a few shots

Then throw it up the morning after

And distract ourselves with the blurred memory

We don’t realize it 

Until we’ve regretted doing a fair share of the wrong things to forget,

Or pushed away a few friends,

Or drank to many screwdrivers and inhaled too much green 

That we can’t even remember who we really are

And we lose touch with ourselves while trying to lose touch with what’s happening

Until we realize we’ve dug ourselves in a hole to deep

To climb out on our own

And we’ve lost everything we once had 

That we lose ourselves

And so we wait 

Until finally one day 

It’s over

And you’re talking about the time you once felt that way

And how you never want to go back there again