Swimming in deserts 

And it’s not until the last group of chills rush through your spine
And the salty memories drop down your lips

That the fog is shivered off your mind

The ability to breathe at your fingertips

It’s not easy being clouded

Being unaware

Doubted 

It’s like you’re about to reach for it

But then can’t even talk about it 

They say the key is to be aware

They forget the warning that said to beware

Be where? 

Elsewhere is where I want to be

All this foreign nuisance is suffocating me

From time to time it’s like I forget to breathe

Making my surroundings the ultimate enemy

And I tell myself it’s not the way to be

Me myself and I this shits getting kinda lonely

And it’s when the lights out 

That it begins to hit

Saying everything’s fine only works every little bit 

Sometimes it’s even hard for us to figure out our mind 

Someone who’s really got their shit together is getting hard to find 

After all it’s all about when you’re on your own

The things you do when you’re on your grind or just out getting stoned 

It’s easy to get off track and overthink our misfortunes 

When it’s as if you’re sweating in desserts not swimming in oceans

But the musics always playing and the same beats on repeat

And at times its a repetition and you’re tempted to cheat

But just keep your goal set and be prepared to defeat

Because in the end in this life all you need is your mindset and two feet 

Inches closer

Missing you         

I was inches closer to forgetting how much I missed you.

Well, letting go of the thought of missing you, at the very least.

Its been days since your last fingerprints faded off my skin.

Yet, your footsteps keep leaving a mark

as the story of our last goodbye is retold in my mind,

over and over.

I’ve always been a fein,

always craved your touch.

I thought,

that maybe i could built up a tolerance,

and get used to the distance the further it got.

But your presence subdues any high.

And being my deepest inhale, I cant bear to simply exhale you out.

And i’ve tried,

But it doesn’t work when you keep leaving me astray of your presence,

and commend me to continue craving more at every break of dawn.

Besides, your kisses only last so long,

when they’re far gone every morning.

I was inches closer to to blurring the constant notice of your absence,

Inches closer to being detached from your withdrawal

and inches closer to numbing the thought of missing you.

Except,

I’m thousands of miles away and consequently, inches subside into centimeters

And to be honest, in the end,

being centimeters closer to letting go

might even be to soon

and my bodies not ready

to stop missing you.

Monday blues

Its been a while that i’ve written something.

Let me rephrase that,

Something meaningful,

aside from my frequent array of short excerpts and silly blogs.

Lately, it seems as if i’ve been hiding in all the wrong places

Engaging in the wrong activities.

I’ve recently found myself pondering on the idea

Of change

Not the good type of change, if there is such

But the type where you cant simply click an undo button

or rewind back to where you came from.

A loss of touch with my identity perhaps,

Where its come down to the ultimate question of who am I becoming

To where i want to go.

Its been a while since i’ve last felt this way

It could be the excessive quantity of alcohol

I’ve ingested the past couple of days,

Or the loss of brain cells due to the

amount of times I’ve been out past 3 am getting high.

I’ve been running,

But which direction?

It depends on who you’d ask.

My mother and father would simply answer south

My dealers, north

Way up high

My friends, North West, maybe East South

Whichever way our drunk minds will allow us to.

Sorry, didn’t mean to drive your brain in circles solving riddles.

The point is, someone knows

And soon, I will to

Wether i find the answer in the bottom of my next spirit over the rocks

Or inbetween the ashes of my rolled up spliff.

If I’m lucky, hopefully in my dreams

when i finally get some sleep.

Darkened Denial

It’s easy to talk about once it already happened

After the hangovers,

The heartbreaks,

The last hit of your blunt

But while it’s happening,

We’re in denial

And fool ourselves to believe nothing’s wrong

Maybe we don’t notice,

Or maybe we’re too scared to admit the truth

So we hide it 

Behind a cloud of smoke

Or a few shots

Then throw it up the morning after

And distract ourselves with the blurred memory

We don’t realize it 

Until we’ve regretted doing a fair share of the wrong things to forget,

Or pushed away a few friends,

Or drank to many screwdrivers and inhaled too much green 

That we can’t even remember who we really are

And we lose touch with ourselves while trying to lose touch with what’s happening

Until we realize we’ve dug ourselves in a hole to deep

To climb out on our own

And we’ve lost everything we once had 

That we lose ourselves

And so we wait 

Until finally one day 

It’s over

And you’re talking about the time you once felt that way

And how you never want to go back there again

Enough

Enough

An unembellished concept deserving much more contemplation than that which is given
As humans, we are taught to strive for more, taught to resist giving up. 
Our minds are mentally programmed to desire.
What we aren’t taught, however, is our limitation
Our sufficiency 
We are often found surpassing our own capability
And end up caught up in our very own momentum
Forgetting the fundamental value of what we obtain 
and slowly begin to diminish it.

Unvarnished like the way you left me

I was once enraptured by your touch
Always yearned that exhilarating high,
Adrenaline rush
Your vibrations sent chills up my spine
My body addicted to your clutch
As you placed your lips against mine
Boy, the way you shot me up cloud nine
I was once hypnotized by your gaze
When your eyes locked on mine
As you told me you admired my ways
I should’ve sensed your selfish treacherous craze
Your hands trailing down me
My emotions, 
screaming to be set free
Our bodies danced around 
creating a beautiful fantasy
What really was a far-fetched reality 

Your breaths, 
echoing down my ear
As I resisted your love
Trying to conquer the fear
Feelings preventing me from seeing clear 

You wanted me to beg for you
Reassurance of the truth?
If only the love you proclaimed for me wasn’t far from true
Our naked bodies bare,
yours pressed on mine
Who knew we were left with so little time
Your cold lips continuing
pressing down my neck
Stalling around the ultimate goal
Slow movements and teasing taking its toll
Less teasing? more pleasing?
Is that what you wanted?
If only it was flaunted, 
The game continued, 
Your movements getting closer
Until it was time
Until every kiss and touch built up into the very moment you were so eagerly awaiting
I was weak
Goosebumps dissipating every strength in me
And my body caved in
As I fell for your false amatory role
and foolishly, let you take control
Debilitated, 
My head tilted back
Craving more 
Ready for your attack
Until suddenly the truth came out,
And our surroundings went jet black