Inches closer

Missing you         

I was inches closer to forgetting how much I missed you.

Well, letting go of the thought of missing you, at the very least.

Its been days since your last fingerprints faded off my skin.

Yet, your footsteps keep leaving a mark

as the story of our last goodbye is retold in my mind,

over and over.

I’ve always been a fein,

always craved your touch.

I thought,

that maybe i could built up a tolerance,

and get used to the distance the further it got.

But your presence subdues any high.

And being my deepest inhale, I cant bear to simply exhale you out.

And i’ve tried,

But it doesn’t work when you keep leaving me astray of your presence,

and commend me to continue craving more at every break of dawn.

Besides, your kisses only last so long,

when they’re far gone every morning.

I was inches closer to to blurring the constant notice of your absence,

Inches closer to being detached from your withdrawal

and inches closer to numbing the thought of missing you.

Except,

I’m thousands of miles away and consequently, inches subside into centimeters

And to be honest, in the end,

being centimeters closer to letting go

might even be to soon

and my bodies not ready

to stop missing you.

Throwback Thursday

As usual, it’s not a Thursday if it’s not followed by a throwback. A throwback far from the monotony of a basic selfie or blurry picture at a house party, of course. But an enthralling throwback, the kind that you relive as you’re swallowed into the array of emotions driven by your voice as you re-tell it. The analeptic kind. This #tbt is going to go back to one of the most memorable, and magnificently insane, weeks of my life, aka Miami Music Week. Aside from the abundance of DJ’s I met, intoxicated Uber rides I took, and the abundance of live videos on my camera roll, the epitome of the story could not be overridden by anything but the experience itself. This #tbt took place on the night of March 24th, 2015.


Olalla, my friend from Madrid, and I were at home picking out our outfits and getting ready for her first night out in Miami. It started out in Sunset Music Festival 2013, when i was convinced I was madly in love with one of the brother DJ’s from DVBBS, Alex Andre. We all know what it’s like having a crush on a performer we’re never going to actually date. Where the stage is our closes encounter, and we can’t seem to do anything about it but obsess over his beauty and replay his best tracks (if you’re a guy, re-read this replacing he with she. Admit it, it’s true). Pause, my apologies. It’s tempting, gazing off as I guide you through the wonders of memory lane.
Anyways, life never fails to fascinate me by the interesting ways it works. Moments like these remind me of the wonders of reason, the laws of attraction, and the connectivity of everything on this Earth.
The night begun as we picked out our outfits and jammed out to some sets on soundcloud. We popped open a beer each and had a toast to a great night. Olalla texted her friend Danny Avila, a famous local DJ in Madrid.

“11:00 pm outside the DJ entrance at story”, he replied.

Olalla and I searched up the line up for that night and find out DVBBS was going to be performing, not the slightest clue of what was actually coming for us, we screamed out in excitement and hurried out my front door.

After being introduced to some of Danny’s friends, we made our way through Story’s famous green room, passing hundreds of amazing DJs signatures, climbing up the steep stairs, and finally making our way up the DJ booth.

“I’m meeting Alex DVBBS no matter what tonight,” I tweeted before my wish actually came true.

The first act was sander van doorn, I’ve been a fan since my first year attending ultra, and I had the pleasure of meeting him first that night.

It was a Tuesday night and the club was a little bit empty. People started heading out to LIV including Danny Avila and my promoter Sal. Olalla and I hadn’t had one drink all night and we were left alone us two.

The next act went on, laid back luke. One of the craziest backstage performances ive seen by far, and he was a very nice person himself.


His performance was amazing and we met a journalist meanwhile. She had pink hair and had just gotten back from Thailand, she was pretty rad.

Time went by and we were starting to get a little bored as we waited for DVBBS to preform.

Things started to get a little crazy when Wacka Flacka walked in… Literally. I saw him chug half a bottle of vodka in a matter of seconds. Not to mention the fact he was so drunk his pants went down as he stood up on the DJ booth and I saw half of his bare ass.


His performance was random. Olalla and I stayed sitting because our feet were killing us and we were beginning to get in a bad mood from all the waiting.

Finally, the securities begin to flash there flashlights for a new act that had just arrived and was making there way up the stairs. There they were.

I make my way through the DJ booth and introduce myself to Alex. I mentioned how I am a friend of Arya’s, a mutual friend of ours, but that’s a whole different story. He immediately began conversation and was telling me about how they went way back and used to live together in Beverly Hills. We finished talking and I went back to where I came from. A few minutes passed and I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around and found Andres Fresko, a local miami DJ and one of Alex’s friends. They invited me to follow them down the back and join them in the green room. No fucking way. Me and Ollala were in shock.


When we got to the green room, we talked and passed around a blunt with a few of his friends.

“DVBBS your on make your way up to the stage” the microphone echoed

We all ran up following them to the booth

They had so much energy jumping around and shaking their heads all over the place. They played some of my favorite songs, some of which I had seen them preform at Sunset Music Festival.

They called up some Argentinian girls to the stage, and Olalla and I became pretty good friends with them.

We watched them preform for an hour and it was already 4 am.

Since they were the closing act, when they finished, story was closing.

Olalla and I were about to say bye and call an Uber until..

“Where do u girls think you’re going, you’re coming with us”, Chris and Alex said as an escalade SUV pulled up.

We hit a blunt really fast with Alex and then somehow managed to fit 10 people in the SUV.

The Argentinians in the trunk, the journalist with the pink hair next to Olalla and Alex, and I was sitting on Chris’s lap.

That was definitely one of my favorite and most memorable car rides until this day.

We were all jamming out, I remember singing along “running through the 6 with my woes!!”. We finally pulled up to Elleven and we were all able to get in. They walked us straight in and took us to their table.


  
We ended up running into Danny Avila in there. Nervo and Benny Bennassi were playing that night. Money was being thrown in the air and strippers were walking around.


We partied, talked, and drank until we couldn’t drink anymore. We all had an amazing time except when one of DVBBS’s friends asked the security to take the pink-haired journalist out of their table, douschebag. And the part where I might have been a little intoxicated and my hand slipped and the bottle shattered all over the floor. Besides that, it was an insanely amazing night. Definitely one for the books, literally.

Darkened Denial

It’s easy to talk about once it already happened

After the hangovers,

The heartbreaks,

The last hit of your blunt

But while it’s happening,

We’re in denial

And fool ourselves to believe nothing’s wrong

Maybe we don’t notice,

Or maybe we’re too scared to admit the truth

So we hide it 

Behind a cloud of smoke

Or a few shots

Then throw it up the morning after

And distract ourselves with the blurred memory

We don’t realize it 

Until we’ve regretted doing a fair share of the wrong things to forget,

Or pushed away a few friends,

Or drank to many screwdrivers and inhaled too much green 

That we can’t even remember who we really are

And we lose touch with ourselves while trying to lose touch with what’s happening

Until we realize we’ve dug ourselves in a hole to deep

To climb out on our own

And we’ve lost everything we once had 

That we lose ourselves

And so we wait 

Until finally one day 

It’s over

And you’re talking about the time you once felt that way

And how you never want to go back there again

Steph’s story 

They say your first experience is the deadliest
Idk if it was the sound of the cleaning lady’s footsteps walking down the halls

Or the adrenaline rush of being seconds closer to death

As Mary advised me of the feeling to come

Pointing at her sugar coated nail polish

These series of events were the trigger

That muffled us to cover our delinquency 

Our voices mute but it wasn’t silent

They say scream rhymes with caffeine

But not right away

The minutes passing as Casper is premeditating his approach

My body numb

But my ears screeching

Of the white powder running down my throat

My tongue tingled from chemicals reacting 

As I screamed to overlook my senseless emotions

The sound that sent my mind flying

Yet my body still 

As I stood there in another dimension