Monday blues

Its been a while that i’ve written something.

Let me rephrase that,

Something meaningful,

aside from my frequent array of short excerpts and silly blogs.

Lately, it seems as if i’ve been hiding in all the wrong places

Engaging in the wrong activities.

I’ve recently found myself pondering on the idea

Of change

Not the good type of change, if there is such

But the type where you cant simply click an undo button

or rewind back to where you came from.

A loss of touch with my identity perhaps,

Where its come down to the ultimate question of who am I becoming

To where i want to go.

Its been a while since i’ve last felt this way

It could be the excessive quantity of alcohol

I’ve ingested the past couple of days,

Or the loss of brain cells due to the

amount of times I’ve been out past 3 am getting high.

I’ve been running,

But which direction?

It depends on who you’d ask.

My mother and father would simply answer south

My dealers, north

Way up high

My friends, North West, maybe East South

Whichever way our drunk minds will allow us to.

Sorry, didn’t mean to drive your brain in circles solving riddles.

The point is, someone knows

And soon, I will to

Wether i find the answer in the bottom of my next spirit over the rocks

Or inbetween the ashes of my rolled up spliff.

If I’m lucky, hopefully in my dreams

when i finally get some sleep.

Steph’s story 

They say your first experience is the deadliest
Idk if it was the sound of the cleaning lady’s footsteps walking down the halls

Or the adrenaline rush of being seconds closer to death

As Mary advised me of the feeling to come

Pointing at her sugar coated nail polish

These series of events were the trigger

That muffled us to cover our delinquency 

Our voices mute but it wasn’t silent

They say scream rhymes with caffeine

But not right away

The minutes passing as Casper is premeditating his approach

My body numb

But my ears screeching

Of the white powder running down my throat

My tongue tingled from chemicals reacting 

As I screamed to overlook my senseless emotions

The sound that sent my mind flying

Yet my body still 

As I stood there in another dimension