Monday blues

Its been a while that i’ve written something.

Let me rephrase that,

Something meaningful,

aside from my frequent array of short excerpts and silly blogs.

Lately, it seems as if i’ve been hiding in all the wrong places

Engaging in the wrong activities.

I’ve recently found myself pondering on the idea

Of change

Not the good type of change, if there is such

But the type where you cant simply click an undo button

or rewind back to where you came from.

A loss of touch with my identity perhaps,

Where its come down to the ultimate question of who am I becoming

To where i want to go.

Its been a while since i’ve last felt this way

It could be the excessive quantity of alcohol

I’ve ingested the past couple of days,

Or the loss of brain cells due to the

amount of times I’ve been out past 3 am getting high.

I’ve been running,

But which direction?

It depends on who you’d ask.

My mother and father would simply answer south

My dealers, north

Way up high

My friends, North West, maybe East South

Whichever way our drunk minds will allow us to.

Sorry, didn’t mean to drive your brain in circles solving riddles.

The point is, someone knows

And soon, I will to

Wether i find the answer in the bottom of my next spirit over the rocks

Or inbetween the ashes of my rolled up spliff.

If I’m lucky, hopefully in my dreams

when i finally get some sleep.

Unvarnished like the way you left me

I was once enraptured by your touch
Always yearned that exhilarating high,
Adrenaline rush
Your vibrations sent chills up my spine
My body addicted to your clutch
As you placed your lips against mine
Boy, the way you shot me up cloud nine
I was once hypnotized by your gaze
When your eyes locked on mine
As you told me you admired my ways
I should’ve sensed your selfish treacherous craze
Your hands trailing down me
My emotions, 
screaming to be set free
Our bodies danced around 
creating a beautiful fantasy
What really was a far-fetched reality 

Your breaths, 
echoing down my ear
As I resisted your love
Trying to conquer the fear
Feelings preventing me from seeing clear 

You wanted me to beg for you
Reassurance of the truth?
If only the love you proclaimed for me wasn’t far from true
Our naked bodies bare,
yours pressed on mine
Who knew we were left with so little time
Your cold lips continuing
pressing down my neck
Stalling around the ultimate goal
Slow movements and teasing taking its toll
Less teasing? more pleasing?
Is that what you wanted?
If only it was flaunted, 
The game continued, 
Your movements getting closer
Until it was time
Until every kiss and touch built up into the very moment you were so eagerly awaiting
I was weak
Goosebumps dissipating every strength in me
And my body caved in
As I fell for your false amatory role
and foolishly, let you take control
Debilitated, 
My head tilted back
Craving more 
Ready for your attack
Until suddenly the truth came out,
And our surroundings went jet black