Intimacy

Intimacy

Both our greatest pleasure

yet biggest weakness

As humans we are inclined

to be vulnerable to the warm intimate presence

Susceptible merely to those compelling enough

To vault into our deepest precincts

and cloak in our obscurity

Its engrossing as much as it is mysterious

A combination of both, really

The moment we allow ourselves to be absorbed into this spellbinding intrigue

We have made a compromise between ourselves

Our thoughts

Our emotions

Our beliefs

and placed it in the hands of another soul

Trusting enough

To leave our very rectitude hanging from a silver string off the edge

One that simply cannot be defined

As even the most noble humans, have told a white lie

and even the most distrusting hearts have been let down

But we need this silver string

because as its holding on to our humanity on one end

We’re connected to the other

Its reflection of two silhouettes harmonizing into one

reminds us of the beauty

in human connection

and the beautiful ability we possess

to trust

We need this trust

This connection

Its our life balance

Its what makes us human

Inches closer

Missing you         

I was inches closer to forgetting how much I missed you.

Well, letting go of the thought of missing you, at the very least.

Its been days since your last fingerprints faded off my skin.

Yet, your footsteps keep leaving a mark

as the story of our last goodbye is retold in my mind,

over and over.

I’ve always been a fein,

always craved your touch.

I thought,

that maybe i could built up a tolerance,

and get used to the distance the further it got.

But your presence subdues any high.

And being my deepest inhale, I cant bear to simply exhale you out.

And i’ve tried,

But it doesn’t work when you keep leaving me astray of your presence,

and commend me to continue craving more at every break of dawn.

Besides, your kisses only last so long,

when they’re far gone every morning.

I was inches closer to to blurring the constant notice of your absence,

Inches closer to being detached from your withdrawal

and inches closer to numbing the thought of missing you.

Except,

I’m thousands of miles away and consequently, inches subside into centimeters

And to be honest, in the end,

being centimeters closer to letting go

might even be to soon

and my bodies not ready

to stop missing you.

September 3rd 2015

New month, old ending and new beginning. Well, thats my perspective on the subject.

Due to my spring-term acceptance, I have an extra 5 months of doing nothing, in other words vacation. Doing nothing is not my thing, well, sometimes.

In August my friends began college, others still in high school and me, well…. nothing.

I decided I was going to enjoy some of my time off and switch up my setting. I decided to book a flight to Brazil for a month. Nothing planned. Just a whole month away from Miami because I need some time off and why not?

My goals are to meet new people, explore new places, try new things, and return to Miami with a months worth full of memories and experiences.

I have limited resources here when it comes to all that i mentioned above.

My concrete plan is to be spending time with my family.

The timing of my vacation wasn’t exactly the most convenient due to the fact that my family here in Brazil is going through a rough patch with my grandma recovering from surgery and all, and the fact that classes are still in session.

So back to my resources:

1 cousin my age willing to take me out. However, he has classes everyday and is living the taken life, so I’m sure we’re going to have to be running most our plans through his girlfriend.

1 cousin slightly older but adventurous. Engineer and businessman so his schedule is very limited. However, this weekend is a long weekend so we are taking advantage and going hiking.

1 friend/“sugar d” whom is practically a stranger who i met 3 years ago but we reconciled 2 weeks ago in Miami. Has money, however, i’m not quite sure of his intentions…

1 friend whom I went out with the last time I came to Brazil. My best hope.

Ultimately,

my spontaneous urge to leave Miami for a month has brought me to this present situation.

32 days in a country away from home

No plans

Just hope

The conditions aren’t as high on the scale as I’d like them to be, but i’m positive I will get there.

Lets see where this month takes me.

Monday blues

Its been a while that i’ve written something.

Let me rephrase that,

Something meaningful,

aside from my frequent array of short excerpts and silly blogs.

Lately, it seems as if i’ve been hiding in all the wrong places

Engaging in the wrong activities.

I’ve recently found myself pondering on the idea

Of change

Not the good type of change, if there is such

But the type where you cant simply click an undo button

or rewind back to where you came from.

A loss of touch with my identity perhaps,

Where its come down to the ultimate question of who am I becoming

To where i want to go.

Its been a while since i’ve last felt this way

It could be the excessive quantity of alcohol

I’ve ingested the past couple of days,

Or the loss of brain cells due to the

amount of times I’ve been out past 3 am getting high.

I’ve been running,

But which direction?

It depends on who you’d ask.

My mother and father would simply answer south

My dealers, north

Way up high

My friends, North West, maybe East South

Whichever way our drunk minds will allow us to.

Sorry, didn’t mean to drive your brain in circles solving riddles.

The point is, someone knows

And soon, I will to

Wether i find the answer in the bottom of my next spirit over the rocks

Or inbetween the ashes of my rolled up spliff.

If I’m lucky, hopefully in my dreams

when i finally get some sleep.

To my senior class, tomorrow is the day

12:35am and your excitement doesn’t allow you to fall sleepAs you lay out your fresh new uniform for your first day of high school 

Eager for the moments to come

Its mid December and you’ve become best friends with a group of new beautiful people

And have a crush on that beautiful boy in your English class 

You thought it’d be cool to take a few shots out of that Smirnoff bottle

Until you’ve learned what a hangover is

And said once or twice that you’re never drinking again

Summer before sophomore year and you’ve already made wonderful memories, some you will remember for the rest of your life

Others, you won’t even recall the names of some faces that were there

You may have failed a few tests 

And teared over a few boys,

Had your back stabbed by a few bitches 

And regretted all those lies you told your mom

When you were really out at that party getting wasted 

So months elapse, and you pass the awkward stage

And your an upper class men now 

You walk past the people you were friends with two years ago, as if you never even knew their name

Your struggling to maintain an acceptable GPA, and stressing at the sound of the word “college” or “future”

Finally

Your waking up for your last first day of high school ever

Embracing that bittersweet feeling of knowing it’s all about to end

Very few friends have sticked by your side from the moment you began high school

And many others slowly filling a place in your life

Senior lunch

Grad bash

Before you know it it’s the morning after prom night and your watching the videos of the prior night laughing at the moments you don’t remember 

And the hookup you never expected

People in school are talking about who won prom queen 

Or who wore it best

And as quickly as all the weeks flew by, and the months, and the years, 

Ultimately, 

Here you are

Sitting 4 years away from the beginning of what would be the biggest life changing experience of your life.

What now is, the epitome of everything you’ve become until this day

You’ve walked through 4 long years 

4 long years of betrayals and heartbreaks 

Accomplishments and failures

And as many times you complained about your hatred towards high school

Days from now, maybe weeks, maybe even years, as long as it takes, you will soon realize all the good that has come from those past 4 years of sacrifice and hard-work

The lessons you learned after trusting the wrong people, 

Loving the wrong faces 

Believing the wrong things

Have led you to the very place you are in now

The final destination of an old journey, 

and a beautiful starting point to the rest of your life